She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
