Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
