everyone is single if you try hard enough
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
