Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
