you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
