I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
