Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
