Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
