do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
