I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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