I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
