then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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