if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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