I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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