Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
