i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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