My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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