Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
