fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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