Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dear god my vagina.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
