We're like a lot better than the average bears
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
