My first STD was from a foam party
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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