You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
