i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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