fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
