hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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