Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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