He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
