We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
