so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
