Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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