I hate all girls vehemently.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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