Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
