Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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