Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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