They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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