Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
