i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
