NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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