hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
