Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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