1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
