Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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