No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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