It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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