Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
