remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
