we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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