it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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