Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
