i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
