Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
