i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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