Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
