I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
