So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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