im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
