A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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