I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
