At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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