Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
