No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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