i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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