i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
