how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
