The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
be right there i have to get my cape
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize