DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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