I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
