Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
