Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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