Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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