I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He has the fingertips of a God
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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