Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
