i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
