i don't like sucking hair
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
