swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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