I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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